01.31.06
Stuff
I had a nice time shopping with my Mum this afternoon. I really enjoy her company and I think she enjoys mine. I didn’t buy much except groceries, but I did buy myself a child’s toothbrush. No, I’m not expecting the patter of tiny feet, and let’s face it, after a hysterectomy it would be a miracle if I was! Actually I have a lot of teeth for a small mouth (no funny comments, please!), and it’s easier to get around them with a little toothbrush. I’ll be lucky if I manage to hang on to them with the extreme dryness caused by the amitriptyline, so I need to take care of them. And the brush is sparkly and flashes, so that’s a bonus!!
I’m feeling weary this evening. All the handwashing, checking, repetition etc., caused by the OCD can be very tiring. To look at me you wouldn’t guess any of it, apart from possibly the handwashing, but it’s a lot worse than usual right now. I’m feeling anxious rather than miserable, but depression often hits me like that. I know things will improve when I get onto the full dose of fluvoxamine, but I’m only on 50mg at the moment, and the dose I’m supposed to be on is 300mg. Quite a difference. I suppose I have to just hang in there and hope that things improve soon. I’m seeing the psychiatrist again next week anyway, so I don’t think my doctor would change anything before that.
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Video ineptitude
So much for watching Forensic Factor. I seem to have managed to record another hour of nothing again. Just a blank screen, not even the programme I’d recorded before. I don’t understand why I’m so useless at things like this *sigh*. I need a man – just to help me with all the electronic techie stuff you understand!
Talking of men, I put my profile and a photo on three personals sites the other day. I haven’t had one reply. Surely I’m not that ugly! If you want to judge for yourself email me or leave a comment with your email address and I’ll send you a photo. They say that you’re five times more likely to get a reply if you post a photo. In my case I think it’s probably the other way around! All joking aside, I reckon that internet dating is the only way I’m going to meet someone. I don’t go anywhere socially. I’ve met ex-boyfriends online so I’m not a complete novice at it.
I’m sort of killing time at the moment as I’m not sure what time Mum’s coming down. There’s no point getting involved in doing something on here. The builders seem to have gone again, which is nice. My brain is still rambling. I sometimes wish I could switch it off for a while. I can’t wait to get on a higher dose of fluvoxamine and get back to what purports to be normal for me.
Sad headlines
Execution of mentally-ill slammed
I don’t want to be seen as USA-bashing by posting this. I’m sure similar things happen in many other countries. I sometimes despair at the treatment of mentally-ill people by many different governments and institutions.
Blast kills 100th British soldier in Iraq
That’s one hundred sons or daughters, and one hundred families mourning. I know nothing about politics and not much more about world affairs, but what are we achieving by being there? Are we really going to beat terror with war?
On the mend
Dad is sounding quite a lot better, and Son 1 went off to school without complaint, so he can’t be feeling too bad today. Mum said he was under the weather yesterday evening though. Mum’s coming down later to do some housework and then we’ll go into town for a little while.
I thought it was so sweet that Son 1’s little brother brought him some buns that he’d made on Sunday night. I don’t remember my brother doing anything like that. Actually, I remember him sharing my sweets, then eating his own, except once when he persuaded me to eat all his sweets because they were pontefract cakes and he didn’t like them. I felt ill! And I still don’t like liquorice! Read the rest of this entry »
Tuesday thoughts
I had a bit of a strange evening yesterday. My head just felt funny. By that I mean that my mind was going off at tangents, and I felt quite unsettled. No doubt it’s due to the change of anti-depressants. I’ll be glad when I get on the full dose. I also felt ravenously hungry last night, which is really unusual for me. I didn’t go too nuts though, just snacked a bit. I ended up watching programmes that were on last night, apart from a crime programme I videoed about a robbery which was really interesting. I still have a pile of videos to catch up on.
I don’t have any firm plans for today yet. I didn’t actually intend to get up so early. I think I’ll go back to bed for a bit of a warm in a little while. I’ve got the fire on in here (the lounge) but it’s a bit parky. I seem to be feeling the cold a lot more this winter. I don’t know why, but I’m using a lot more electricity, and getting very cold hands and feet. Oh well, before I bore you to tears I’m off to ring my Mum and find out how everyone is. Son 1 seemed like he was getting a cold yesterday, as well as Dad not being well.
Quote for today
A policeman stopped me and said: “Would you please blow into this bag, sir?” I said: “What for, officer?” He said: “My chips are too hot.”
Tommy Cooper
01.30.06
Level-headed?
I’ve just got back from shopping with Mum. Apart from the usual stuff I bought myself a spirit level! Not your average everyday shopping item, but they were only £1! I remember my landlord putting up some picture hooks for me and he’d forgotten to bring a spirit level, and was amazed that I didn’t have one. My tool box is fairly well stocked, although I’m inept when it comes to DIY. I remember going around the local hardware store and asking one of the assistants what I needed. My ex-husband is very good at DIY, and for the time we were together the most I needed to do was change a light bulb, which is about all I can do now.
Mum has gone to take Son 1 for his injection. I don’t mind people sticking needles in me, but I’m a total wimp when it comes to my kids. Mum or my ex had to take them for their baby and pre-school injections too. I would have been a quivering wreck. Hopefully he’ll get through it without too much trauma. Mum’s coming back for her shopping and then I’ll be off to shower and eat before retiring to bed with all the programmes I’ve videoed over the last few days. I may be some time…
D’Oh
I think all these (prescription!) drugs I’ve been taking are killing off my brain cells rapidly. I had a conversation with my Mum earlier and had to ring her again to clarify it. I’ve had this sense recently that my brain is not my own. No, I haven’t flipped completely – I think it’s just stopping one anti-depressant and starting on another. I’m OCD-ing like mad, and feeling decidedly stupid. So much for the 149 IQ I used to have.
I think Mum’s having a bit of a day of it. She’s been to the doctor’s with Dad this morning, and after school has to take Son 1 for a booster injection. He’s got a bit of a needle phobia, like me at that age. Mind you, he did have a dental injection recently, so this one should be a walk in the park. Having loads of blood tests when I had arthritis at the age of nineteen soon got me over my fear of needles.
We’re going to the supermarket this afternoon, so I’m going to rifle through the fridge in a minute to try and figure out what I need. I’m quite pleased that I discovered that the ink for my printer is cheaper from Amazon.co.uk than it is from Tesco, so I’ve ordered that which is one thing less to do. I shouldn’t need too much shopping, my food cupboard is groaning. I always stock up with soups and beans etc., for the Winter, and I never seem to eat them all.
I’m planning a quiet evening. I’m really tired and I’m achey, and the idea of lazing in bed and watching television this evening seems pretty good to me. I’ve recorded quite a few programmes and I’m partway through a Miss Marple, and also ‘Lewis’ from last night. Hopefully I won’t dream about them tonight! In the meantime I think lunch would be a pretty good idea. I always spend more when I shop on an empty stomach! I’ve been online for hours this morning anyway. TTFN!
Update on Dad
I’ve just spoken to my parents. The doctor says that what was making Dad so ill at the weekend was a migraine, and has given him some tablets for that. If they don’t work then he will give him some tablets to take all the time to stop migraines. Now my Dad has had migraines as far back as I can remember, and has felt and been sick with them too, but wouldn’t you think that if someone has had such bad stomach ache that they couldn’t stand up straight the doctor would at least examine his stomach?
Mum isn’t very happy at all. She’s talking about going to see their doctor on her own and telling him what’s what, despite the fact that I’ve told her that the doctor won’t discuss Dad with her. Dad is frequently ill with migraines, sinus trouble, colds etc., but always says that there’s nothing wrong with him, even when it’s patently obvious that there is.
Last week Dad was telling me about a Christian diet he’d heard about on satellite television. He’s a very evangelical born again Christian, and often makes me feel like a failure as a Christian because I don’t do things exactly the way that he does. Also that if I got things right then I wouldn’t be ill. I find all that hard to take sometimes, but I wouldn’t tell him that. I do love my Dad, and I want him to be well & happy. Fortunately he has private medical insurance, so that if he doesn’t get much help from his GP he can use that.
Weird dream
I had a weird dream last night. I’m not someone who ascribes a lot of meaning to dreams. I think they are the brain’s way of sorting things out when you’re asleep. I dreamt that I had a gun and went around shooting people, in a place that resembled ‘EastEnders’. At the end of it I was given really strong drugs and dragged off to some psychiatric unit. Not a nice dream at all, but I can tie all that up to things I saw or was thinking about yesterday.
I watched a murder mystery and the start of another one yesterday. In the first one there was a shooting, and also one of the actors is in ‘EastEnders’. In the second one there was a young man going around doing very manic looking things, and you were led to believe that he shot a girl. I remember thinking that they’d probably reveal later that he was manic-depressive (bipolar), as it rarely gets mentioned on television unless there’s a loopy murderer in some fictional programme.
As for the strong drugs, I’m starting on the other anti-depressants and I suppose I’ve been thinking about medication a lot. The drug used in my dream was Melleril, which is an anti-psychotic & anti-anxiety drug which I had to take once for extreme anxiety. So that was my dream. I feel like I need to go back to sleep to recover!
